A month has passed since my last post... and what a month it's been! Despite the fact that it's not been an easy month, I thank God for it. We don't grow half so much on the easy days as we do on the tough ones.
I'm remembering how two years ago today, my Jesus proved Himself to me, and prompted some friends to sing "Blessings" at an FC on just the day I needed it. It totally changed my outlook on trials, and ever since that day, I've prayed for trials... and longed for them.
And now two years later, I'm so very grateful for the way trials have changed me... the way they are changing me right now.
This last month has been filled with moments of intensely realizing my own weakness, and having to rely wholly on His strength. I've been brought to the end of my rope more times than I can count, but He's always been there to help me grasp onto Him instead. I've fallen on my knees in desperate need of the help and strength He can give. And there's something fundamentally different and powerful about being on our knees because we feel obligated to, compared to being there because we feel totally incapable of doing anything without going there first.
Sometimes He allows us to feel we have no strength to stand so that we will instead "live" on our knees.
And I've found myself pleading, even in the darkest moments, for Him to keep allowing trials, because I love the way they turn my heart to Him. I was lying on my bed this afternoon, and honestly felt a wave of joy sweep over me that He is taking the time to refine me. He's answering my prayers for trials.
He reminded me last week that trust is learned in the darkness... not in the light of day when everything makes sense, but in the night, when we can't see or understand.
And He reminded me this afternoon as I stood outside in the pouring rain soaking in every drop, that my blessings may come through raindrops.
Jesus, I've promised you that I will embrace the cross. Don't let me give up just because it takes me far out of my comfort zone. Don't let me ever be so distracted with the weight of the cross that I forget it's purpose-- it's beauty. Don't let me ever shrink from raindrops because they come from dark clouds-- for it's in those clouds that the rainbow is seen.
"I will cling to the old rugged cross, and exchange it some day for a crown."
Jesus, I'll embrace darkness, weakness, and raindrops willingly, if through them I can learn to trust you more fully. Help me remember...
Weakness pulls us to our knees.
Trust is learned in the dark.
Blessings come through raindrops.
20. Lover of Jesus. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Servant. Fan of the kitchen. Graduate of Masters of Biblical Counseling.
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Hands Open. Heart Full.