I would never have thought it was possible to learn such a deep spiritual lesson from the top of a castle in England—a lesson that has had my mind spinning ever since.
As we climbed up the spiraling stone stairs, my mind flashed back to the Apostle’s day. I could almost see them climbing stairs just like these, maybe to a prison cell. I’ve long dreamed of being thrown into a prison cell for my faith. I long to know the experience Corrie Ten Boom had… “You never know all you need is Jesus until all you have is Jesus.” And I’ve always thought I would be faithful even if they should ask for my life.
But I didn’t know what awaited me when we reached the top of the castle. I walked to the edge and stared. The distance to the ground just took my breath away.
And then the familiar inaudible voice…
Would you be willing to be thrown from the top of this castle to the ground far below if you were told it was renounce your faith in me or be thrown over the edge?
Silence. I could see in my minds eye those faithful soldiers—the Waldenses—being tossed over a cliff face because of their faith in Him. I gazed again over the edge…An answer was forming in my heart, but it was not the answer I wanted to give.
I don’t know Jesus—I don’t know.
How could I be saying this? I had always been determined to stand. I had even dreamed being a martyr for Him. And here I was, and all I could mumble was-- I don’t know.
That really bothered me. If I couldn’t say yes now, how could I ever say it then? Why was I suddenly fearful? Staring over the edge the answer seemed clear. It’s one thing to imagine giving my life when I’m at home in my comfortable room… it’s another thing in reality.
But I couldn’t be content with my answer. What would it take to give a whole hearted “yes” if the moment ever came? Another glance to the ground far below and I knew. Love for Him was the only way—deeper love than I had ever experienced. Perfect love casts out all fear.
All day that question spun around in my head. And all of a sudden I found another answer forming in my heart.
Yes Jesus. Anything to be faithful to you. But you’re going to have to help me. I realize how powerless I am. Please do whatever it takes.
And He has been teaching me far more than I could dream since that moment. Driving back to my grandmother’s that day He reminded me that it’s only by resisting every dart of the devil, now, that I will resist, then.
Ouch. That’s a weak point of mine.
But He has amazed me again in the last couple of days. It’s been awhile since He’s seemed so close that I feel like I can hear His heartbeat if I listen long enough. And it’s a experience like nothing I can explain. He’s teaching me… and I know if I am willing to learn He will help me be able to look over the edge and give a firm, unwavering, yes.
I was listening to a favorite song yesterday and one of the lines popped out at me in a new way.
If from His side we fall we’ve lost it all—for in Him all things are found.
We loose nothing if we are tossed over the face of a cliff because we will not leave Him. We loose everything by giving up on Him. So often we think we give up more being faithful, but could it be that we give up more by not being faithful?
Jesus, I plead earnestly that you will do whatever it takes in me so that I can give you an unflinching “yes” if it ever comes to it. And I ask for more than the courage to say yes to you then-- I ask that you would help me say yes to you every time now. And I plead that you would not work in my heart alone…
He's asking you too... What's your answer?
20. Lover of Jesus. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Servant. Fan of the kitchen. Graduate of Masters of Biblical Counseling.
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